In Case You Still Don’t Understand Consent-Jessica Boyles

 

This was no one-night stand
I’ve had drunken sex that I regretted
Or not
Too many times for mom to read about here
This was not that
This was different
With a one-night stand
I may have made some questionable choices
But they were my own choices

You made the choice to get drunk
You made the choice to flirt with this guy
True
I did
I also chose to eat a salad and wear red socks
How do any of those things forfeit my right to sex with consent
Here’s the thing about consent
It can only be given when your brain is functioning
It is the presence of a yes
Not the absence of a no
Do we need to start signing documents to begin getting this right

I don’t know a lot of things about that night
I have no memory
I will never know
Whether or not I was drugged
Turns out
Decisions to go to a SARC unit
Don’t always coincide with the life of a drug in your bloodstream
I will never know
Whether both of the guys in the hotel room where I woke up had sex with me
I will never know
How my glasses got broken
Why I had bruises all over my legs

Here is what I do know
If I wasn’t drugged
I was drunk to the point of confusion
Slurred speech
Falling over
Passing out
I also know
When I see someone like that coming out of a bar
I help them out
Hail a cab
Drive them home
In the absence of those actions
I leave them alone and hope they stay safe.

What I don’t do
Is take them back to my hotel room and have sex with them


I am a woman. I am a survivor and a fighter. I am a dreamer. I am a believer. I’m an Aunt, a sister, a daughter, friend and lover. I write out of the depths of all of these things that dwell in my soul.

Dangerous- Jessica Boyles

 

Never knowing
Steal some shoes
What is coming
Drive Drunk
When it’s coming
An explosion
Spew my venom
Of hate and anger
Spit on a cop
I lose control
Cause pain
Fuck some dicks
Bring grief
Lick some pussy
Betray beliefs
In between
Take some pills
Clean up my messes
Slice my arms
And hate myself

I am a woman. I am a survivor and a fighter. I am a dreamer. I am a believer. I’m an Aunt, a sister, a daughter, friend and lover. I write out of the depths of all of these things that dwell in my soul.

 

Exquisitely Numb-Jessica Boyles

 

Withdraw
Pull away
Go missing
Find control
In emptiness
Lay quietly
Stare at the wall
Rest in the absence
A disappearance
A melting away
Stillness welcomes me
Into undemanding arms


I am a woman. I am a survivor and a fighter. I am a dreamer. I am a believer. I’m an Aunt, a sister, a daughter, friend and lover. I write out of the depths of all of these things that dwell in my soul.

The Girl who Freezes/Jessica Boyles

 

She makes me see
Flashing images
She makes me feel
Pressure, burning and pain
She makes me hear
Their voices
She makes me smell
Body odor and cologne
She makes me taste
Bitterness

Because
She
Freezes

She
Did nothing
Tasted nothing
Smelled nothing
Heard nothing
Felt nothing
Saw nothing

Fight or flight
Are not the only options


I am a woman. I am a survivor and a fighter. I am a dreamer. I am a believer. I’m an Aunt, a sister, a daughter, friend and lover. I write out of the depths of all of these things that dwell in my soul.